A joyous revelation, I see him now. An old man.

Today I saw a little old man. I’m going to tell you about the joys and astonishing first hand experience of dreading the time your eyes grow heavy, becoming tired. And your body being forced to sleep. And you know you’ll wake up again, with the syndrome that carries no cure. Of “What is.” And not what’s possible.

I will be honest. I’m Not peaceful when I sleep. I am tortured when my eyes are closed. Before I succumb I Begin praying and begging for the dreamer in me to die. The glass half full woman that wakes up who still, against all odds and logic still hopes.

When you wake up and see your real life. And it’s nothing like what you are going to become. You contemplate giving up. Because this road i’ve traveled without a gps had n nothing but Shit sandwiches and the bad guys always won.

The heartbreak and agony of earning true success, no longer kicking myself for lacking foresight. Because I see now if I’d known what was waiting for me, or if I had been given the keys too soon.

It would be as if I were driving my leased Maserati garibaldi down a one way Street.