Today I taught my son how to do something. And I felt something inside I’ve not felt in 5 years.

Alive, not the almost dead, barely holding on, crash team pounding on your chest alive.

I thought all my chances to make him love me and maybe leave a ripple in his soul were stolen. That’s not true.

I’ve been planning, trying to force him to remember, and dying a little bit more every day. I’m planning to live. You can surprise me with the color of my casket. Expiration dates come too soon. But I’m not dead anymore,

Today I remembered. Living again is like jumping into a pool, you never know how cold it’s going to be. But I do know that I’m a really great swimmer.