And I know if you thought about it, you’d never doubt my selfless love for you. My bags are packed. The cold metal of your deadbolt sends waves of sadness and long-overdue relief from the madness that I’ve been addicted to, like a junkie going on 4 years. I wished for him to tell me to stay, something resembling compassion.

But, I’ve walked out of this door before, each time becomes more heinously painful. The lump in my throat I cannot swallow anymore. Hot tears sting my eyes and before I can twist the deadbolt seemingly one foot from my freedom, my fingers fumble, and my tears begin to tumble down my cheeks. I remind myself “he doesn’t care, he told you he doesn’t like you,” and truth be told, he never has.

His words disappear, like magic. 

My words, now. For the first time in,

1183 days

102,211,352 seconds
1,703,522 minutes (rounded down)
28,392 hours (rounded down)
1183 days
169 weeks

All I hear are My thoughts and feelings and emotions and words. My words are screaming like the toddler in the candy store. My screams say.

“Do it, now is no time to be a chicken shit, do it now.”

My hand doesn’t falter now, swiftly and with nimble fingers, the lock is freed from its housing. I’m on the first step……

Singing quietly to myself…..” say something I’m giving up on you.”

That’s where this story ends.
finally I will say,

TURN THE FUCKING PAGE….