There are no words. That can express how angry at you I am the sad thing is that this has been going on for almost a year. The whole time we’ve been us. There is no salvaging what we thought we were capable of. I’m too fucked up and so are you. We are catastrophic together. We bring nothing out but negativity and nothing positive has come. I’ve made no forward movement in my life since I’ve met you, and neither have you. 

 

For a long time, I thought it was my fault and I see now. It has been my fault for staying. Because of my selfishness and addiction to you, I hurt us both. I know I hurt myself beyond repair. I will never be the same again, and not in a good way. I fucked myself up here. 

 

I love you. I don’t want you to keep going about your life the way you have. I see your potential for greatness and love. But you are bringing me down with you. Sadistic, you seem to enjoy watching me crumble. I think it’s security for you and helps you believe I love you. Because I stay even though I should not be anywhere near you. 

And finally on Sunday night,  this year-long chapter. This calamity of what I presumed was love.  

I can finally say with all the tenacity in my semi-broken heart;

turn the goddamned page. 

And get me a match. 

These are special circumstances.