I’ve had a day and I learned more lessons on subject matter that I thought I possessed a doctorate in.

Sometimes I wonder about myself.

And I get distracted by something shiny, and just like that.

I’ve lost my way.

I surprised myself, I felt something today.

It was a familiar feeling.

I was sad, really sad. 

I haven’t been for quite some time.

That’s a lie, I’m still, sad all the time.

I don’t want to feel sad, or anything for that matter. So, I work.

I work, and I don’t go home.

Because he is there. He is everywhere.

I didn’t want to feel the agony.

And another thing,

I am sick, 

Sick all the time.

I am really,

Oh so very absurdly

Guilty, very guilty,

Of being obsessed.  

Something pretty important,

Some of what was left,

All I thought I had.

The warm, my fire. The will, tenacity, Warrior,

My insides, 

The stuff making me up.

That’s what died in the last fight.

 Or Somewhere, 

Or sometime along the way.

  In just a few minutes I felt it die. 

I have been running from the feeling, 

So I work and I don’t go home.

I’m fueled by my grief, cold coffee, and cigarettes.

10 hours later.

This is my last solemn vow,

The last time I’ll give myself a kind reminder.

I’m not going to ask myself;

“how much can I lose before I’m completely lost?”

I’m not that Stupid, and petulant.

That’s the part that died, the last fight.

Just that,

Not even a skirmish, it was just a fist to-cuff.

Here’s the battle……

Time to finish this was.

Sometimes  I wonder about myself. 

 Then I see something shiny, and just like that,  

I’ve lost my way….