Mina,
Over the last several years I have learned what is truly valuable to us as human beings. We can live life daily free of any debilitating physical or emotional problems that diminish our capacity to enjoy life and compromise our sense of self-worth, dignity, and integrity.

The pleasure of living lies in our ability to participate fully in the give and take of marriage, family, and career. It lies in our experience of the ordinary day: waking up without pain; drinking a cup of coffee without someone’s help; dressing one’s child in mismatched clothes that he insists on wearing (rather than have that child dress you); walking to Starbucks one block down in the brisk air (instead of being wheeled to a lift van); accomplishing a job well done at work (as opposed to being limited to a make-work project for the disabled); deciding what to make for dinner and preparing it; these and thousands of everyday things are what we live for.

The joy of life, and what I loved is now gone and has been for some time. As a result of Nick’s and your actions I am now tormented and haunted by the way things could’ve been.
That being said, I don’t want to believe you woke up one morning and thought “Let’s hurt Jackson, do irrevocable harm and no one will notice.” I do believe that you did have intent and made the conscious decision to hurt me to help Nick. I do not see another logical way of explaining what you did without having at least some ill intent for me. You saw with your own two eyes what the campaign against me was doing to me and Jackson yet you willingly pushed harder.

Mina, I am writing this letter because I’m no longer a coward and I don’t believe in leaving one blindsided. My propensity for the bright side is now taking a seat and I am no longer putting on my happy face. I cannot help but believe you have trouble understanding what empathy or decency is. If you didn’t, the events of the last few years would not have happened and you would not be reading this victim impact statement.
I am the other side; the victim and I do not know if I’ll ever recover from what you’ve done. Ninety percent of my time I am running in circles, trying to retrieve what has long passed. Everyday day I am sick. Sick with grief and the blinding agony of my boy being taken away. Every day I cry, every night sleep evades me. Moreover, Jackson will never recover from being ripped from my arms. I am never going to recover and sadly despite over 2400 hours of trauma therapy. I am not going to be ok. I am not ok, I can’t do much of anything. I pretend every day, I smile so people stop asking what is wrong. But I am a liar because my smile is fake and I’m an 8 x 10 glossy made to look like a normal functioning mother who deserves her son.

Additionally, I have no family left. They disowned me, told me to get a life, and let Jack go. But here is another truth, I will not let go. My relationships suffer because I am so self-centered and blinded by other feelings completely consumed by my son. It still feels as though nothing is ever going to be ok again. I am stuck in 2015 and I cannot move forward. I am going, to be honest, I’m numb. I feel nothing but grief for my son. I have people who love me, and I will chase them away eventually because of what you have done. I can’t act like or even pretend to care for anyone other than Jackson.
During this time, I’ve been so consumed with Jackson I have become irrevocably ill. I have had a small heart attack, and I have been diagnosed with life-threatening conditions, although I knew something was wrong because I could feel myself getting sicker. But I ignored the warning signs. I will be lucky to see my son fall in love for the first time, suffer his first heartbreak, and graduate from high school. I am not going to be a grandmother. Because of you.

After fighting back from homelessness. One year homeless living out of hotel rooms and a rental car. Still, every morning I wake up panicked. I wake up panicking about where I’ll sleep that night. Although I am not homeless anymore, I am not able to enjoy my life.

While homeless I got ill with E.Coli, That almost killed me. I am afraid I’ll be sick and spend a week in the ICU again. Where, again I would have no one to call, no one to hold my hand or love me again. No one would tell my son if I died how much I love him, and he would never know anything about me. How funny and smart I am. How much I loved coupons, how terrible I am at baking. I don’t have anyone in my life because of what you did. I am alone my only family is my son you stole from me and then threw him away. Add to this. Because of your hired help and subsequent reputation assassination my father Gary Smathers hasn’t spoken to me since July 1, 2015. I will never get to say goodbye to him before I die. Also, I have become unemployable. Jackson doesn’t have to dig very deep to find the lies told about me. An employer doing a simple pre-employment background check has found the same.

As you know the economy isn’t what it used to be and as soon as I sign the consent and shake the HR person’s hand, I know that will be the last time.

You may have knocked me down, but you didn’t knock me out. The fortitude I possess and my resiliency and ability to bounce back are the reason you find yourself reading this victim/survivor impact statement. Because of you and the biggest impact of this survivor impact statement is our one common denominator my son Jackson. For what you’ve done to my son, I’m going to do the only thing that I know will make you pay attention. So, you’ll remember if the occasion arises again. My son and I will be compensated. If not by you directly. I have found other resources that have found our story and your role played to be quite salacious. They’re willing to compensate me if I deem it necessary. I don’t think it needs to be worked out in any manner but behind closed doors. But I am not a dumb woman and I must hedge my bets. The lessons I’ve learned and a few things I know to be irrevocable in fact. One fact is I fear no one, nothing can be worse than what you’ve done. Knowing that about myself. I truly have no fear if we don’t settle. Because even if I never see a dime. The payment will be better in my eyes, I have worked hard and don’t need your money I believe it is dirty and I’m only taking it for Jackson and charities. My true reward will come if you don’t settle. I get to put your heinous crimes out for the world to see and hear about. I see my happy ending with a trial, my compensation comes in the form of national news stories, and salacious interviews on talk shows. Billboards adorning your surname in every town you own property, tv commercials, your inner circle, business partners, your sons, family, Tony Robbins will know. Everything.
In addition to this Nick’s sister, who Nick raped when she was just a child, I have never said anything to her as of yet and I don’t want to ruin her life if she doesn’t know, but I will tell Valentina where to find you to sue you as well. I will take my mountain of substantiating evidence to the highest court I can and make you famous by making your crime an example of how new California case law and penal codes come to be.
I’ve got nothing but time. Because of you, my days are free because my son is with a sociopath.

This is going to be your opportunity to save face and get a tax write-off; my charity “you’re going to pay for this, the J.M Smathers healing fund.” I Will help anyone needing psychiatric treatment but cannot afford can go free of charge to the clinic that oversaw my medical care. “Life Practice,” will receive a large endowment with your generosity. The trust will have $100,000 donated by your various business ventures. I know where you stand financially. I know where the money is hidden. You gave me 5+ years to get better.

I’ll finish with this:
The joy of life – what makes it worth living – is not measured by the earning of money, it is measured by enjoying the little things, and the ordinary becomes extraordinary. Similarly, when a person is seriously injured, the greatest loss is not the monetary loss but the loss of the enjoyment of life itself, the pleasure, the satisfaction, and the utility derived from life, separate and apart from money.

About that, when I said I forgave you. I was lying.