Have you ever had an idea and you work and work for your idea to become more than an idea? Positive people would call an idea a dream. I think you have to close your eyes to dream and I simply didn’t have time for that. I digress, my idea. Like Groundhog’s Day, everyday was the same, tortured and perpetuating until one morning, my afternoon, was quiet, my idea was no longer an idea.
It is like my whole goddamned life goes from ideation to terrifying reality. You almost want to rejoice, maybe do a little happy dance. But you are scared, you’ve never felt happy. This joyous feeling was like a pair of leather pants two sizes too small on a hot day with 100% humidity. You start to panic, you can’t breathe, and the feeling of joy is so foreign to your dysfunctional brain, all is calm and there’s no reason to keep running. This is what peace must feel like, to me, more torturous than dysfunction. Here’s your idea manifested……
How can I fuck it up?