I have these lucid moments and they scare me. Because when I’m lucid that’s when I see my potential and I feel it in my body, but I know the feeling is fleeting because I will get sucked in, the pull of my back pants pockets and the pop into my world of dissociation. I won’t remember, the reality is in 48 hours I’ll be somewhere else in my mind who knows I could still be right there right in front of you, you won’t know, but gunfire is going off in my head my lucid moments are filled with painful memories the feelings that you get when they warm over your soul wash over your body the memories of the happiest moments of your life and the remembrance of them takes your breath away like a swift kick to the sternum, when I have lucid moments I try and run as far and fast way from them as possible because the very thing that I love about the lucid few moments, also brings the very thing that I fear most about them it’s the memories and the feelings and all of the apologies that I owe because when I’m not so lucid I’m not so nice, here’s to the bully in me who always plays the victim.