What is your mission?

The day I met him, all I have ever wanted to be was his mother. The suggestion by all involved in my life or simple passerby’s that my chosen partner who helped me create this beautiful life was dangerous and and very dark. Ominous and vindictive, words that my family used to describe him. Steadfastly, I ignored them and he isolated me, his grip became tighter everyday of our short lived relationship.

I found myself in a parking lot, 5months pregnant, sweating, feet bleeding and exhausted. As I fumbled with the bag that held what I could grab. A music box, 12 pairs of socks, and some crumpled up paper. No wallet, cell phone or pot to piss in, I looked at my swollen belly and made a promise.

My mission, for the rest of my days. I will never find myself in a parking lot again. I will take care of you and live you better than I can do for myself right now. It’s my mission in my life to love myself as much as I hate myself right now. It is my mission to make you safe, my mission to never find myself in a parking lot again.

That was April 7, 2011

My mission has been painful, catastrophic and I have felt every single emotion. And one thing I know to be irrevocable in life, there are no pill, booze or drugs for grief. You have to save yourself.