Of little value
This is why I want to work so badly
I do t need to, I haven’t for some time
I have a person who loves me enough to try and protect me from my self destruction I don’t want for a thing
Whenever I need for anything it is a simple text away Never mind any questions
I am trusted and loved for the first time in my life
Why the need to work? Not so much a need, it’s an obsession. The physical work and emotional toll that work takes on a person is catastrophic
I keep searching for things to do because I told him I wouldn’t anymore.
It bothers him more than he’ll admit and I think he thinks it will make me want to have sex with him more.
It’s not about sex.
I am amazing at that.
Like the best I’ve ever seen Or heard……
I assume 2000 customers, satisfied. And no longer counting. I never need to have sex again. It repulses me
In my perfect world sex has nothing to do with a true relationship
But then, only sex workers or sexually assaulted/traumatized people will understand why.
Anyone can have sex, love is something you do. If you want sex you don’t want it with someone you love because how do you live them and manipulate them at the same time.
The reason I work is because the only things that I care about is money and manipulation. Manipulating a man into falling in love with you in 7min. Having enough money to eat and pay the way for some people to pretend to be your friends and family. As long as you have money, you’re hardly ever alone. People like it when a person with so little self value has money.
Because no matter what, even if at my detriment. I want you to like me. People always like money, if you have it. You have the power to manipulate your brain into thinking you have a family.
If you charge money to have sex. There’s no way to unbreal that governor. I cashed that check many years ago and I am so numb it just dawned on me that I damaged myself so badly in the name of survival
There is no way to get whatever it was I sold back. Maybe it was gone long before that. I believe it was gone on the first occasion I saw my dad cheat on my mom when she was on Vaca in Texas. Sex was exciting and very very bad. Bad enough that we need to keep it a secret from mom and not worry her by telling her that Mrs. Helmich stayed over last night and had a slumber party with my dad.
I was 6.
I never respected relationships or sex. Nor have I ever found it special.
I charge extra for that.
I have no self worth.
That is the truth.
That is why I am pulling my hair out trying to not post
Because I don’t love anything about myself.
According to everyone sex is an emotional thing and way to show someone you love them I don’t think so.
If I have sex.
I am not there with you. You are having sex with a shell of a woman that learned a long time ago to not show what sex work has done to her.
If I love you, sex is the only thing I will run away from.
I will hate you for wanting me and resent you for finding me sexy or pretty.
I will keep working on myself, for him. He says he loves me for who I am. But I can see the contingencies in his eyes an audible sighs when I try to explain and I presume I will be just as miserable tomorrow as I have every day I have not hit the bump button. I do not value anything except others.
If I did the bump your ad wouldn’t be making me crazy at a time I should be focused on other things.