Category: Turn the page,
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My last birthday. Not going to happen.
I was thinking about all the opportunities in life I had to be something more. But I was always scared, and now I have my son in my life because of you. And I get to spend my birthday with him, because of you. It just hit me that if I don’t man up and…
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Trying a different costume;
It’s something. I guess, a person like me should be happy with. I should be happy with and grateful. For the opportunity to eat their shit sandwich. It’s something. After all, I have been told and believed I was something you flush. But I’m not. I have never been. I love my son, I wasn’t…
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Each Day.
My recovery works better when I utilize, not analyze.Today I look beyond the immediate moment of satisfaction and decide what is good for me in the larger picture of my life. Today I have faith and patience and can wait to make loving and positive choices. I am learning, to want the feeling of peace…
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Survey Says?
Survey Says! You are hallucinating, still. I say, “maybe if I talk to him about it again, cry or ignore it, it’ll all be fine.” My pragmatic remarks: “You don’t do that anymore, and I hate you for it.” Maybe I’ll get my answers in a book, a book I’ll read in the bookstore. Just…
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Time of death, maybe a year ago?
That was the moment, Right there, the final gunshot. No one else could hear. Only me. My reaction hasn’t been. I like usual put that pain in a huge compartment and tried with all my might to shove it as far back in our dysfunctional closet as possible. I could never make it disappear it…
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Red licorice
I happened upon his doorstep, in late June of 2015. In hindsight, I can see Mr. Esq was the person that was supposed to reign me in, Gary’s way to control by proxy. Mr. Esq. Was my first step. I had been “thrown away” so many times I didn’t even realize my wardrobe was consistent…
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Spinach.
www.linkedin.com/posts/joslynn-smathers-870727110_nami-mentalhealthawareness-halfpastfour-activity-6930433506388979712-DfQL
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The dysfunctional saga continues.
When I found you, I found my new universe in your arms. I found my perfect partner in you. I found love, affection, and protection in you. I found possessiveness, madness, passion, and insanity in your love. I found recognition, respect, unjustified sadistic pain, and grief rage that broke way into unbeknownst violence. And then…
I am AnxietyGirl; leaping to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound. 